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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

#2664358
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39461) - you deserved it (8557)

On 06/06/2009 at 4:16pm - health - by lft (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

#2593588
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62953) - you deserved it (3488)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15648) - you deserved it (1993)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

#2587369
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40624) - you deserved it (5232)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44472) - you deserved it (14920)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15190) - you deserved it (44015)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

#2551130
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40691) - you deserved it (8824)

On 06/02/2009 at 10:08pm - kids - by babybreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80783) - you deserved it (216316)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

#2524291
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (55843)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:39am - animals - by xacked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

#2498639
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70451) - you deserved it (4859)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

#2494614
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (46146)

On 06/01/2009 at 6:46am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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