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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

#12271784
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14647) - you deserved it (26064)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by toomuchlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

#12239634
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32504) - you deserved it (5452)

On 08/01/2010 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Chimychunga (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

#12214891
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9044) - you deserved it (58132)

On 07/30/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by ick - United States (California)

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

#12176888
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32435) - you deserved it (12042)

On 07/29/2010 at 12:14am - intimacy - by GGimabeast (man) - United States (California)

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

#12175151
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28153) - you deserved it (8712)

On 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by runandmope (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

#12141202
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27752) - you deserved it (7748)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:07am - misc - by mauimango7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

#12130176
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34776) - you deserved it (5423)

On 07/26/2010 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

#12123688
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28930) - you deserved it (8358)

On 07/26/2010 at 1:09pm - health - by Andiii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15049) - you deserved it (123582)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

#12077771
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34970) - you deserved it (6666)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by luvlessbootycall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

#11966338
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31825) - you deserved it (18848)

On 07/18/2010 at 5:47pm - misc - by anonmys - United States (California)

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

#11954418
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37009) - you deserved it (4233)

On 07/18/2010 at 1:02am - work - by Flyboy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

#11923673
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36601) - you deserved it (17883)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:45pm - misc - by liz - United States (California)



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