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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

#5848296
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (2621)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

#5847972
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28135) - you deserved it (7474)

On 10/16/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Unlucky. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

#5839185
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26645) - you deserved it (4756)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

#5826469
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40390) - you deserved it (5116)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:00am - health - by tooflufoschool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26746) - you deserved it (3978)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

#5815195
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26702) - you deserved it (1995)

On 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32236) - you deserved it (11225)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40464) - you deserved it (11836)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27962) - you deserved it (5401)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9984) - you deserved it (40866)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7652) - you deserved it (45196)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22742) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)



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