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FMLs submitted from California

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42340) - you deserved it (5545)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43228) - you deserved it (6493)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

#21110549
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40430) - you deserved it (3122)

On 04/11/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35574) - you deserved it (6927)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45147) - you deserved it (33405)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

#21100568
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29927) - you deserved it (7323)

On 03/30/2014 at 10:44pm - misc - by moms a baby - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43524) - you deserved it (6509)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

#21096936
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (3940)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by husbands addiction - United States (California)

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34526) - you deserved it (11940)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

#21093670
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38418) - you deserved it (10059)

On 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by campus pussy (man) - United States (California)



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