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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

#6748934
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33985) - you deserved it (4166)

On 12/14/2009 at 4:05am - love - by luckygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

#6741801
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5351) - you deserved it (34275)

On 12/13/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by MissSmarts (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

#6737603
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38556) - you deserved it (2655)

On 12/13/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by justine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

#6735017
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30837) - you deserved it (2471)

On 12/13/2009 at 5:12am - health - by cagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

#6733753
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24013) - you deserved it (3284)

On 12/13/2009 at 2:36am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

#6722674
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (6112)

On 12/12/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by colorfulgina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML

#6713073
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10488) - you deserved it (27927)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

#6708463
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15640) - you deserved it (21446)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

#6706236
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13969) - you deserved it (21367)

On 12/11/2009 at 6:11am - misc - by LostFocus - United States (California)

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8831) - you deserved it (33379)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

#6688829
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24555) - you deserved it (2550)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Melinda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8651) - you deserved it (36637)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

#6679644
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7928) - you deserved it (68534)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm - love - by ouch (man) - United States (California)



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