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FMLs submitted from California

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

#5141393
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37031) - you deserved it (5391)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my ex bought a digital camera, an iPod, and a large flat-screen TV, all purchased with the alimony I'm paying him. FML

#5141204
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29375) - you deserved it (7054)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Goodie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

#5122351
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (36168)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:11am - love - by WanstinChurchHill (man) - United States (California)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21286) - you deserved it (2114)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54698) - you deserved it (2932)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

#5098537
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66377) - you deserved it (6041)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by BoredRunner42 - United States (California)

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

#5031923
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6053) - you deserved it (38758)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15417) - you deserved it (65752)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

#5011183
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49183) - you deserved it (12361)

On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15323) - you deserved it (38254)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

#4990869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (5530)

On 09/02/2009 at 12:29am - work - by Joel (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

#4983911
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43236) - you deserved it (2624)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:04pm - health - by Misterhippo (man) - United States (California)



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