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FMLs submitted from California

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8144) - you deserved it (27243)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26216) - you deserved it (2257)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

#6352873
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13466) - you deserved it (65148)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

#6351238
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8792) - you deserved it (29828)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by ohjoy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he cried and pissed his pants. Again. FML

#6350911
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34419) - you deserved it (2654)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by not_trained_for_this (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

#6350445
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31279) - you deserved it (2063)

On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

#6337405
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6592) - you deserved it (35552)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by Nic (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46040) - you deserved it (2213)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

#6313806
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26456) - you deserved it (4981)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm - money - by notip (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

#6298224
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28848) - you deserved it (2980)

On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23591) - you deserved it (3444)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32614) - you deserved it (6513)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41876) - you deserved it (2704)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)



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