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FMLs submitted from California

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

#4386622
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37761) - you deserved it (4169)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

#4381633
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9575) - you deserved it (57905)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

#4356105
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84176) - you deserved it (6798)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:55am - love - by notsomuchinlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

#4346693
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47325) - you deserved it (8161)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

#4343153
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59491) - you deserved it (2608)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:41pm - work - by smiletellsall (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

#4299043
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45059) - you deserved it (7720)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

#4280491
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37981) - you deserved it (9177)

On 08/04/2009 at 12:15pm - love - by badbestfriend (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59116) - you deserved it (8773)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

#4264267
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54680) - you deserved it (2087)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

#4255816
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44452) - you deserved it (24806)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

#4247203
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8841) - you deserved it (40482)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10135) - you deserved it (66692)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)



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