FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

by Youdontneed2knowmyname / 02/05/2011 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was woken up to my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and sweet 16 balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I will be 17. FML

by ad4 / 01/31/2011 at 6:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

by mentallyscarred / 01/31/2011 at 4:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

by freckleboy422 / 01/31/2011 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

by Joey / 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw and wearing hockey masks. FML

by unlucky dudebag / 01/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

by WronglySad619 / 01/26/2011 at 5:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

by SLOMan90 / 01/26/2011 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML

by Randall / 01/25/2011 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 11:24pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

by damnbananas / 01/24/2011 at 3:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous