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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

#4876852
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46689) - you deserved it (4502)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

#4867119
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77661) - you deserved it (3390)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by abercrombieef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

#4866921
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15385) - you deserved it (34273)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

#4850742
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36728) - you deserved it (2549)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML

#4844745
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57125) - you deserved it (7797)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:37pm - love - by lonelyboy101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

#4829137
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16923) - you deserved it (45183)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by technologyfail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (2454)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML

#4774290
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28482) - you deserved it (17914)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by bobuhbeartoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

#4760219
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30704) - you deserved it (12055)

On 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

#4736198
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49492) - you deserved it (5991)

On 08/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by doomed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

#4687327
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59774) - you deserved it (5367)

On 08/20/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by 16isntsweet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18134) - you deserved it (44720)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

#4655713
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7676) - you deserved it (38140)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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