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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

#3602722
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57859) - you deserved it (4277)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by Told_You_So (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

#3602440
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21107) - you deserved it (51811)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

#3591095
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43462) - you deserved it (5925)

On 07/08/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by disturbed2103 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

#3570179
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80956) - you deserved it (7358)

On 07/08/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Applelover012 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

#3561385
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45377) - you deserved it (6615)

On 07/07/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met with my realtor to close on a house for my boyfriend and me. While waiting for my boyfriend, I got a text message from him saying he was breaking up with me. I had already signed the papers on our house. Now I'm responsible for a mortgage that I can only afford with his help. FML

#3542974
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50018) - you deserved it (11857)

On 07/07/2009 at 12:48am - money - by housepoor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

#3531560
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5276) - you deserved it (70872)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

#3524400
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46726) - you deserved it (28212)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:51am - love - by dumpedovergame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML

#3509124
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10097) - you deserved it (59429)

On 07/05/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by colorblind (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41018) - you deserved it (2415)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49895) - you deserved it (9128)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

#3448245
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30800) - you deserved it (8514)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:01am - work - by wherefelix (woman) - United States (California)



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