FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

by Austin / 02/12/2011 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Work

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

by loner / 02/11/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2011 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 6:32pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

by effyou / 02/10/2011 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

by CatLitterLover / 02/08/2011 at 1:51am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

by Winchesterlover / 02/05/2011 at 1:41pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

by Screwed in Seattle / 02/05/2011 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

by Youdontneed2knowmyname / 02/05/2011 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy