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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (4960)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

#13925537
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7833) - you deserved it (39337)

On 11/21/2010 at 2:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

#13904254
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27585) - you deserved it (3507)

On 11/19/2010 at 9:45pm - misc - by Dammit... - United States (California)

Today, my ballet teacher decided to tell us, in detail, about the nasty staph infection she has on her boob. The whole time, she was scratching it. FML

#13895610
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30817) - you deserved it (2698)

On 11/19/2010 at 1:07am - health - by fightingkittens (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was just about done with my late-night shift at Ralph's. As I was about to put up my "Closed Lane" sign, an elderly women starts putting items on the conveyor belt. The cost was $14.79, and she paid with pennies. It took her ages to count them all, and I wasn't being paid overtime. FML

#13893679
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29764) - you deserved it (3827)

On 11/18/2010 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

#13884147
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29587) - you deserved it (4362)

On 11/18/2010 at 1:44am - animals - by nottrustworthy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

#13873567
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (5653)

On 11/17/2010 at 3:08am - intimacy - by nilssonfan (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

#13873545
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43502) - you deserved it (8513)

On 11/17/2010 at 3:03am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

#13853970
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29797) - you deserved it (6501)

On 11/15/2010 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by rockefoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

#13837705
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31988) - you deserved it (4940)

On 11/14/2010 at 4:42am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

#13836684
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37379) - you deserved it (8117)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:31am - misc - by teach (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

#13835168
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12705) - you deserved it (28162)

On 11/14/2010 at 12:33am - misc - by lovemyteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

#13831440
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22663) - you deserved it (3111)

On 11/13/2010 at 8:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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