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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

#6894688
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24469) - you deserved it (5283)

On 12/23/2009 at 12:05am - animals - by sleepy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

#6894646
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (1985)

On 12/23/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Chris (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21280) - you deserved it (2296)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

#6842155
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44378) - you deserved it (4030)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:14am - love - by Catholicguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

#6841945
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9762) - you deserved it (30946)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

#6841457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23607) - you deserved it (3188)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by VCR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

#6831944
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8173) - you deserved it (37211)

On 12/19/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Jrlloyd013 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

#6826579
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8931) - you deserved it (41315)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by Anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23753) - you deserved it (6288)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

#6824006
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27598) - you deserved it (2789)

On 12/19/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by honutattoo - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

#6823589
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33079) - you deserved it (2801)

On 12/19/2009 at 2:48am - love - by musicyman55 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

#6820464
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11756) - you deserved it (23164)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by Poem (man) - United States (California)



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