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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

#6035910
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28487) - you deserved it (6142)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

#6017805
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8481) - you deserved it (25730)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

#6016625
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25911) - you deserved it (2656)

On 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

#6006516
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (8638)

On 10/26/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by hanzastfu (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

#6001023
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31372) - you deserved it (6333)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24am - love - by cheezeits (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28178) - you deserved it (2561)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (3372)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

#5991629
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37460) - you deserved it (9927)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

#5990692
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11684) - you deserved it (68345)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

#5969153
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (3525)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:07am - love - by Clunker (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

#5968362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (34453)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by kiran - United States (California)

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

#5959994
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33975) - you deserved it (2887)

On 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by iross (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

#5954994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33452) - you deserved it (5692)

On 10/23/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by wahwah (woman) - United States (California)



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