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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

#8840238
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27147) - you deserved it (3072)

On 03/05/2010 at 2:50am - misc - by whyymee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

#8815037
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25541) - you deserved it (8099)

On 03/04/2010 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

#8792170
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9137) - you deserved it (18797)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided that lunch with his guys was more important than spending time with me. This is the second year in a row that he has cancelled on me. How do I remember the date so well? It's my birthday. FML

#8767349
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34303) - you deserved it (5174)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:14am - love - by BirthdayGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25293) - you deserved it (2774)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

#8741941
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23492) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:30am - animals - by mav3rick91 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

#8659721
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52631) - you deserved it (3778)

On 02/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by Jeri (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (8008)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex girlfriend that never moved out. FML

#8631765
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (2555)

On 02/25/2010 at 1:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

#8630482
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17073) - you deserved it (24418)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Lespoon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

#8582830
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20546) - you deserved it (2946)

On 02/23/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by Cromwel620 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

#8546580
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31642) - you deserved it (2428)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:28am - misc - by holycow (man) - United States (California)



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