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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

#14091459
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42290) - you deserved it (4540)

On 12/05/2010 at 1:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

#14090215
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25726) - you deserved it (11376)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

#14074861
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (2441)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

#14065722
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24678) - you deserved it (4030)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

#14035963
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9229) - you deserved it (28815)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:49pm - work - by oopsididitagain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

#14034563
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11875) - you deserved it (36204)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

#14013959
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27939) - you deserved it (5380)

On 11/28/2010 at 6:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

#14008430
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29274) - you deserved it (6929)

On 11/28/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

#13980533
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17271) - you deserved it (37849)

On 11/25/2010 at 10:28pm - misc - by saywhat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

#13971159
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31093) - you deserved it (8044)

On 11/25/2010 at 3:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had just finished writing my rough draft essay, so I went to sit by the pond. A giant moth suddenly flew down and attacked me, causing me to drop my binder in the pond, ruining the essay. I discovered in the aftermath that the moth was actually a leaf. FML

#13957049
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12051) - you deserved it (31767)

On 11/24/2010 at 1:08am - misc - by cali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

#13930186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23168) - you deserved it (3981)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27028) - you deserved it (4956)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)



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