Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

#14102213
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22987) - you deserved it (3758)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

#14093907
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27999) - you deserved it (10601)

On 12/05/2010 at 8:53am - kids - by Ed - United States (California)

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

#14093222
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (9219)

On 12/05/2010 at 6:12am - intimacy - by miiiiilk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

#14091459
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42337) - you deserved it (4546)

On 12/05/2010 at 1:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

#14090215
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25783) - you deserved it (11393)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

#14074861
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28017) - you deserved it (2441)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

#14065722
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24678) - you deserved it (4030)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

#14035963
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9230) - you deserved it (28816)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:49pm - work - by oopsididitagain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

#14034563
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11875) - you deserved it (36205)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML

#14013959
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (5380)

On 11/28/2010 at 6:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

#14008430
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29274) - you deserved it (6929)

On 11/28/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

#13980533
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17274) - you deserved it (37853)

On 11/25/2010 at 10:28pm - misc - by saywhat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

#13971159
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31356) - you deserved it (8071)

On 11/25/2010 at 3:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: