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FMLs submitted from California

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13973) - you deserved it (5346)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

#20151103
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15607) - you deserved it (934)

On 11/06/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by rastamerican - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26580) - you deserved it (2258)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

#20147982
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19804) - you deserved it (6126)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Ugh - United States (California)

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21099) - you deserved it (4353)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

#20141617
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15517) - you deserved it (994)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:23pm - animals - by orilykid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (2102)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14568) - you deserved it (6589)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20770) - you deserved it (2123)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (4067)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

#20138280
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13244) - you deserved it (3128)

On 10/29/2012 at 3:55am - misc - by Nice Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16373) - you deserved it (3869)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18322) - you deserved it (1221)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)



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