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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

#6001023
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30363) - you deserved it (6197)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24am - love - by cheezeits (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (2559)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41909) - you deserved it (3370)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

#5991629
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37423) - you deserved it (9923)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

#5990692
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11680) - you deserved it (68291)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

#5969153
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (3499)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:07am - love - by Clunker (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

#5968362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8916) - you deserved it (34430)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by kiran - United States (California)

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

#5959994
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32958) - you deserved it (2787)

On 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by iross (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

#5954994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33422) - you deserved it (5691)

On 10/23/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by wahwah (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9457) - you deserved it (34768)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

#5940932
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32062) - you deserved it (2755)

On 10/22/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by tessykins - United States (California)

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

#5937584
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29360) - you deserved it (6223)

On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

#5932326
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23142) - you deserved it (4860)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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