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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7235) - you deserved it (43899)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21721) - you deserved it (3540)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

#5716495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12588) - you deserved it (36790)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:14am - kids - by stupidsantaclaus (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31699) - you deserved it (8079)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

#5710708
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (3339)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by dangerousknitter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19692) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

#5698793
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (9023)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:25am - misc - by 1000dollarspoor - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37558) - you deserved it (3573)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53270) - you deserved it (2552)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

#5677989
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9548) - you deserved it (32272)

On 10/06/2009 at 3:12am - misc - by limecat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

#5645796
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37438) - you deserved it (3342)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by walker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

#5622271
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37676) - you deserved it (5643)

On 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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