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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

#4219084
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37845) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/02/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by drano - United States (California)

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

#4201501
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52461) - you deserved it (7224)

On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63674) - you deserved it (14527)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38969) - you deserved it (8181)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

#4174665
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12447) - you deserved it (38257)

On 07/31/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by Girafarig (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

#4154215
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40428) - you deserved it (6889)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15112) - you deserved it (44845)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

#4114414
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9246) - you deserved it (44990)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by flustered - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47354) - you deserved it (7512)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

#4099565
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42889) - you deserved it (1742)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42656) - you deserved it (8434)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)



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