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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

#14521261
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (3052)

On 01/09/2011 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

#14505614
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29006) - you deserved it (5230)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:57am - animals - by ciotter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

#14502012
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10264) - you deserved it (30620)

On 01/07/2011 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

#14498607
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30081) - you deserved it (3901)

On 01/07/2011 at 4:46pm - health - by walnutbladder (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

#14469051
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32233) - you deserved it (7366)

On 01/04/2011 at 11:17pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

#14445248
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32707) - you deserved it (3740)

On 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm - misc - by Kristin (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

#14440523
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (5369)

On 01/02/2011 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

#14427876
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31161) - you deserved it (3457)

On 01/01/2011 at 6:50pm - love - by drfrogpepper (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

#14427516
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29059) - you deserved it (3753)

On 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

#14413679
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29054) - you deserved it (6187)

On 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by edulover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

#14379912
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35774) - you deserved it (12802)

On 12/29/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

#14376347
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17224) - you deserved it (52201)

On 12/29/2010 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

#14374447
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31880) - you deserved it (2479)

On 12/28/2010 at 9:52pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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