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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

#6067207
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37983) - you deserved it (3429)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:45am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

#6066504
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (7092)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

#6057828
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5578) - you deserved it (62347)

On 10/29/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

#6053348
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38428) - you deserved it (4631)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:27am - love - by deserved (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

#6050345
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33808) - you deserved it (6958)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:20am - love - by chipmunk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

#6050318
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27531) - you deserved it (6286)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7170) - you deserved it (107663)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

#6035910
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (6139)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

#6017805
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8457) - you deserved it (25700)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

#6016625
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24900) - you deserved it (2563)

On 10/26/2009 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

#6006516
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (8632)

On 10/26/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by hanzastfu (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

#6001023
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (6193)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24am - love - by cheezeits (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28117) - you deserved it (2558)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)



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