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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12271) - you deserved it (35717)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

#6378888
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (6643)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16195) - you deserved it (4769)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23984) - you deserved it (1903)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22063) - you deserved it (5192)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

#6365107
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26425) - you deserved it (4905)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7432) - you deserved it (25739)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24929) - you deserved it (2162)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

#6352873
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12549) - you deserved it (64925)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

#6351238
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8724) - you deserved it (29701)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by ohjoy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he cried and pissed his pants. Again. FML

#6350911
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32051) - you deserved it (2445)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by not_trained_for_this (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

#6350445
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31082) - you deserved it (2048)

On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

#6337405
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6560) - you deserved it (35325)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by Nic (woman) - United States (California)



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