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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

#6508757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24083) - you deserved it (12069)

On 11/29/2009 at 3:55am - misc - by Nomoresandwish (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

#6506969
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30410) - you deserved it (14903)

On 11/29/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

#6497491
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38210) - you deserved it (2776)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23091) - you deserved it (8562)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25054) - you deserved it (3425)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19389) - you deserved it (6698)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

#6474495
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29793) - you deserved it (4830)

On 11/27/2009 at 3:09am - love - by Duped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

#6471383
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34965) - you deserved it (4302)

On 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

#6462459
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10087) - you deserved it (33371)

On 11/26/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by LonelyLoner (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

#6458973
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9437) - you deserved it (23863)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by MouseChaser (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

#6441496
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23652) - you deserved it (5992)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

#6437512
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20968) - you deserved it (5009)

On 11/24/2009 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by deathbysnoosnoo - United States (California)

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

#6433448
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18910) - you deserved it (8255)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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