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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

#12946074
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31242) - you deserved it (2624)

On 09/07/2010 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28376) - you deserved it (5439)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

#12933577
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (35280)

On 09/06/2010 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by jackson (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

#12916563
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35809) - you deserved it (4977)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:49am - misc - by wakinginvegas87 - United States (California)

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

#12895675
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36774) - you deserved it (7411)

On 09/04/2010 at 1:15am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

#12878777
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10857) - you deserved it (73908)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by ohseven6421 - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

#12874867
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27971) - you deserved it (4118)

On 09/02/2010 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by anonymous.. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, Burger King gave me a moldy bun. I noticed 1/5 of the way through the sandwich. My compensation for ingesting mold? A coupon for half-off a Whopper. FML

#12847836
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26274) - you deserved it (4490)

On 09/01/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

#12817288
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41962) - you deserved it (12965)

On 08/30/2010 at 3:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

#12781273
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15596) - you deserved it (38795)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:56am - animals - by Kelli (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35963) - you deserved it (3469)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

#12740190
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16080) - you deserved it (66321)

On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

#12736614
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10157) - you deserved it (39424)

On 08/25/2010 at 9:10am - misc - by Eyebrowsgone - United States (California)



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