FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was supposed to catch a ride with a friend and go to Warped Tour with her. She called at the last minute to say she was sick, so I told her we didn't have to go. I just got a text saying she just got pictures and autographs with the band I especially wanted to see. FML

by brittgreen / 08/11/2011 at 4:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

by bathroomgirl / 08/11/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a $300 gym membership that gives me access to the company's non-premium gyms. The non-premium gyms are all closed due to construction, because they're being turned into premium gyms. FML

by juanjohnfml / 08/11/2011 at 4:17am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

by Nekro_Kat / 08/09/2011 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

by recordyear / 08/09/2011 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

by wow / 08/09/2011 at 12:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

by noooo / 08/08/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

by Polmkk / 08/07/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

by SheaLili / 08/07/2011 at 1:14pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

by Pinkie / 08/06/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may be my boss. FML

by - Moved Across the Country / 08/06/2011 at 2:05am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

by thehumanshield / 08/05/2011 at 4:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

by mommytobe / 08/04/2011 at 11:56pm / United States (California) / Kids