Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

#15447949
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17732) - you deserved it (34686)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by Cuzles (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
702 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75586) - you deserved it (16435)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
489 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38226) - you deserved it (52572)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

#15364230
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (4021)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

#15356107
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39025) - you deserved it (2954)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:37pm - work - by inpuredeceit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

#15296523
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47080) - you deserved it (2993)

On 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by aldfgadfklbg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27230) - you deserved it (14500)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

#15251032
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52148) - you deserved it (4660)

On 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm - love - by crazystar69 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

#15243539
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36020) - you deserved it (7578)

On 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

#15222879
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38964) - you deserved it (4470)

On 03/06/2011 at 10:00pm - love - by pinchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

#15214579
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12394) - you deserved it (33226)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:18am - work - by Dx - United States (California)

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

#15213402
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45270) - you deserved it (2912)

On 03/06/2011 at 12:42am - health - by rj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

#15207918
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33914) - you deserved it (3844)

On 03/05/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by 092492 - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: