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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

#15705235
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31095) - you deserved it (5452)

On 04/09/2011 at 4:08am - love - by confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (12507)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

#15674369
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40798) - you deserved it (3982)

On 04/07/2011 at 12:17am - health - by ouchiee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

#15658091
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28319) - you deserved it (49376)

On 04/05/2011 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by oc_cheergirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

#15647807
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34321) - you deserved it (5518)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:46am - health - by oww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

#15646476
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18563) - you deserved it (36858)

On 04/05/2011 at 1:10am - work - by 4themoneh - United States (California)

Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML

#15621262
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (10875)

On 04/03/2011 at 1:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

#15607773
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31867) - you deserved it (4919)

On 04/02/2011 at 5:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

#15600756
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34987) - you deserved it (11950)

On 04/02/2011 at 3:35am - kids - by Viciousvixen_21 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36498) - you deserved it (48277)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

#15566356
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28916) - you deserved it (2972)

On 03/30/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by JFC! (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

#15542266
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8879) - you deserved it (50103)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I got a call on my cell phone. Trying to be safe and avoid an accident, I pulled into the nearest parking lot before answering. While I was turning in to park, someone rear-ended me. FML

#15526729
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30533) - you deserved it (4019)

On 03/28/2011 at 3:37am - misc - by calling_while_driving - United States (California)



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