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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

#9093072
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24038) - you deserved it (4433)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:51am - money - by Fridaythe12th (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26806) - you deserved it (5157)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

#9081770
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28414) - you deserved it (2022)

On 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm - animals - by OhhhNooo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23313) - you deserved it (9526)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at work, a man came in wearing a very elaborate cowboy ensemble and went to talk to one of my coworkers. Once he left, I asked her how she knew a gay cowboy. She then explained that he's actually a farmer and her husband of ten years. FML

#9048204
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6363) - you deserved it (32934)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

#9037233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5411) - you deserved it (38021)

On 03/13/2010 at 12:16am - misc - by EwokLover17 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

#9015781
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22541) - you deserved it (2657)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by gorgeousgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

#8948119
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43607) - you deserved it (2260)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

#8920959
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29249) - you deserved it (2250)

On 03/08/2010 at 3:27pm - love - by justpeachy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

#8911500
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27169) - you deserved it (3788)

On 03/08/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by raidered - United States (California)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8855) - you deserved it (32932)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

#8862978
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33562) - you deserved it (2766)

On 03/06/2010 at 3:32am - love - by ART - United States (California)

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

#8840296
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20223) - you deserved it (2424)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:01am - work - by Petergibbons - United States (California)



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