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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

#11694056
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27185) - you deserved it (8466)

On 07/06/2010 at 5:16am - misc - by SOMAgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

#11628877
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30199) - you deserved it (9985)

On 07/03/2010 at 2:49am - misc - by thesadone - United States (California)

Today, my dog is mad at me due to the fact that earlier in the day I ate 2 peanut butter cookies. Apparently, they were his dog treats. I had no idea. FML

#11624830
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9768) - you deserved it (31870)

On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - animals - by peanuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

#11558883
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10119) - you deserved it (30767)

On 06/30/2010 at 4:04am - misc - by rockefoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

#11529694
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9697) - you deserved it (24212)

On 06/28/2010 at 11:18pm - misc - by itssdianaa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

#11524663
436 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10436) - you deserved it (66136)

On 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm - health - by Pain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

#11513456
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30853) - you deserved it (33939)

On 06/28/2010 at 4:12am - intimacy - by megaladon - United States (California)

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

#11463310
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40097) - you deserved it (4115)

On 06/25/2010 at 11:19pm - misc - by anyomous - United States (California)

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

#11389778
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19072) - you deserved it (58879)

On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

#11387354
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36644) - you deserved it (4997)

On 06/22/2010 at 7:44pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

#11325945
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26739) - you deserved it (11989)

On 06/20/2010 at 2:42am - misc - by Mr.Viola (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

#11324047
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40307) - you deserved it (27191)

On 06/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by PissyPants (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

#11283596
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13197) - you deserved it (35323)

On 06/18/2010 at 3:18am - intimacy - by gimmeabreak0_o (man) - United States (California)



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