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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (1209)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

#20174725
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16729) - you deserved it (2114)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

#20174445
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13945) - you deserved it (1764)

On 11/22/2012 at 9:56pm - misc - by Unfortunate Painter - United States (California)

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (2468)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

#20170659
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17171) - you deserved it (975)

On 11/20/2012 at 5:41am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16749) - you deserved it (1946)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

#20166731
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13496) - you deserved it (1296)

On 11/17/2012 at 1:35pm - work - by overpriced coffee shop worker - United States (California)

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

#20163905
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13555) - you deserved it (943)

On 11/15/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Superman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

#20163115
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6243) - you deserved it (12101)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10716) - you deserved it (4821)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14607) - you deserved it (1650)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)



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