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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55574) - you deserved it (5152)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47447) - you deserved it (4349)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

#21174174
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48435) - you deserved it (5125)

On 06/14/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46449) - you deserved it (5581)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57528) - you deserved it (6931)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23200) - you deserved it (39011)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

#21164644
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43396) - you deserved it (8117)

On 06/06/2014 at 2:24am - kids - by playdated - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

#21161539
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30842) - you deserved it (9118)

On 06/03/2014 at 11:36am - kids - by properpissed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49917) - you deserved it (4122)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

#21160163
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48784) - you deserved it (3755)

On 06/02/2014 at 3:33am - misc - by really?? - United States (California)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42556) - you deserved it (3652)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm babysitting two 6 year old kids. One of them won't stop screaming, and the other kid found his mom's vibrator and won't stop playing spaceship with it. The parents will be home in an hour. FML

#21157917
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40582) - you deserved it (4924)

On 05/31/2014 at 2:40am - kids - by moomanjohnny - United States (California)

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

#21154891
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46083) - you deserved it (3467)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by chubbs - United States (California)



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