Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41418) - you deserved it (5081)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

#21143037
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47211) - you deserved it (5243)

On 05/17/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

#21142253
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39915) - you deserved it (13684)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by pissed off (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52187) - you deserved it (5042)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

#21140459
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39266) - you deserved it (4215)

On 05/15/2014 at 8:02am - work - by iworkatofficedepothomes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36390) - you deserved it (4294)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (4598)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, some thieves broke into my church and stole our cameras, monitors, and some other hardware. We were planning to use them for the security system we were about to install. FML

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

#21133708
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34612) - you deserved it (5971)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:01pm - misc - by veggiedude - United States (California)

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

#21132092
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41019) - you deserved it (4355)

On 05/06/2014 at 1:42am - animals - by catfriend - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45202) - you deserved it (22579)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

#21128831
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41750) - you deserved it (3162)

On 05/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by thanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: