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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

#21215195
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54516) - you deserved it (8785)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm - love - by I Feel Horrible - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

#21211315
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (4397)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

#21210701
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33732) - you deserved it (4416)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:44am - animals - by ballbreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

#21209921
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40190) - you deserved it (6215)

On 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm - health - by stinky breath - United States (California)

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

#21209168
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (3410)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm - work - by AFH2O - United States (California)

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

#21208909
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31771) - you deserved it (49031)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Ob3nie - United States (California)

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

#21208684
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (6229)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40193) - you deserved it (4260)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58274) - you deserved it (7232)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38100) - you deserved it (3455)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

#21206028
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47156) - you deserved it (16975)

On 07/11/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41575) - you deserved it (3617)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I found out the record label I was talking to was actually just my friends who have way too much time on their hands. FML

#21204665
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41271) - you deserved it (5271)

On 07/10/2014 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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