Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25909) - you deserved it (5891)
On 05/21/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by StellarSapience (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14023) - you deserved it (53971)
On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48540) - you deserved it (6102)
On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60966) - you deserved it (4806)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14175) - you deserved it (51755)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37587) - you deserved it (12435)
On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139956) - you deserved it (32577)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29772) - you deserved it (3077)
On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (2881)
On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19930) - you deserved it (32898)
On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6657) - you deserved it (49336)
On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18033) - you deserved it (41699)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62519) - you deserved it (4610)
On 05/14/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by bettycrocker (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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