FMLs submitted from California

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

by SoCalStoopid / 09/09/2011 at 5:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

by monochrometea / 09/08/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

by Username / 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

by haha / 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

by appaluver / 09/03/2011 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

by Actor / 09/02/2011 at 9:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

by WoWWidow / 09/02/2011 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years old. FML

by AMP4U / 08/30/2011 at 9:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

by TheJazzKid / 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

by Stan / 08/29/2011 at 5:19pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

by concertqueen / 08/27/2011 at 6:40pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML

by RainCl0ud / 08/27/2011 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.