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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29712) - you deserved it (9030)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

#16189059
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14376) - you deserved it (33417)

On 05/15/2011 at 2:49pm - misc - by NoLife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

#16153880
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37705) - you deserved it (8135)

On 05/13/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by ctop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

#16152690
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (8958)

On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

#16136002
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34843) - you deserved it (9485)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:01pm - love - by TheNerd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

#16128268
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36741) - you deserved it (15782)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

#16100276
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48900) - you deserved it (6113)

On 05/09/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

#16086182
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44088) - you deserved it (5477)

On 05/08/2011 at 1:05am - love - by gnownayrgnow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML

#16028485
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28189) - you deserved it (27493)

On 05/03/2011 at 1:22am - misc - by AE86Turbo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

#16019768
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17085) - you deserved it (67842)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by hornyloser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

#16016823
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26801) - you deserved it (2769)

On 05/02/2011 at 6:58am - health - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

#15982407
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48899) - you deserved it (3084)

On 04/29/2011 at 9:00pm - health - by thanksmom - United States (California)

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

#15949369
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14064) - you deserved it (51395)

On 04/27/2011 at 2:33pm - misc - by popcorn - United States (California)



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