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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

#7268180
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5187) - you deserved it (20861)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Drewzter (man) - United States (California)

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

#7253458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6809) - you deserved it (25345)

On 01/10/2010 at 4:14am - misc - by regrub (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

#7249496
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8935) - you deserved it (26914)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:35am - health - by bummed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

#7239167
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33598) - you deserved it (6857)

On 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

#7222160
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (2190)

On 01/08/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

#7209759
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8155) - you deserved it (20463)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by weeble_wobbles09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22074) - you deserved it (3653)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

#7193872
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (2536)

On 01/07/2010 at 2:13am - misc - by nothotforteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I treated my friends to lunch at a posh restaurant because it's my birthday. While we were walking leisurely around the mall afterwards, their boyfriends showed up. I spent the next few hours walking alone behind them while they were walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. FML

#7177665
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32347) - you deserved it (4113)

On 01/06/2010 at 5:07am - misc - by ribbonsundone (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20406) - you deserved it (3841)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that getting an awesome new phone with all the new bells and whistles doesn't mean that people will now actually want to talk to me. FML

#7139398
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (23222)

On 01/04/2010 at 2:01am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

#7124600
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25585) - you deserved it (5710)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:28am - health - by i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

#7107063
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25684) - you deserved it (6345)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm - animals - by Darling_Cherry - United States (California)



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