FMLs submitted from California

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

by Forever Alone x2 / 01/07/2012 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

by Anon / 01/04/2012 at 9:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

by gimpy / 01/04/2012 at 11:55am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

by hitchhiked / 01/04/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

by max / 01/03/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

by snarly1 / 01/03/2012 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

by TheBeastSwaq / 12/31/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML

by hdkgdkvdjd / 12/29/2011 at 11:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2011 at 9:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

by somewhatlucky / 12/27/2011 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Health