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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

#6528264
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26384) - you deserved it (12482)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

#6517380
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14365) - you deserved it (38749)

On 11/29/2009 at 5:53pm - misc - by Harry (man) - United States (California)

Today, Me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

#6509087
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25421) - you deserved it (14401)

On 11/29/2009 at 4:33am - love - by jimmyt420 (man) - United States (California)

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

#6508757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24025) - you deserved it (12058)

On 11/29/2009 at 3:55am - misc - by Nomoresandwish (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

#6506969
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29835) - you deserved it (14713)

On 11/29/2009 at 1:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

#6497491
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38151) - you deserved it (2771)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

#6489348
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23016) - you deserved it (8554)

On 11/28/2009 at 1:32am - love - by tjcl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (3422)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (6691)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

#6474495
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29733) - you deserved it (4827)

On 11/27/2009 at 3:09am - love - by Duped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

#6471383
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34891) - you deserved it (4296)

On 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

#6462459
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10058) - you deserved it (33315)

On 11/26/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by LonelyLoner (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

#6458973
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9421) - you deserved it (23835)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by MouseChaser (woman) - United States (California)



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