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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

#9179900
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27622) - you deserved it (3814)

On 03/18/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML

#9122302
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45441) - you deserved it (4071)

On 03/16/2010 at 12:50am - love - by ManInTrouble - United States (California)

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

#9095139
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7122) - you deserved it (28762)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:00am - intimacy - by PubelishedAuthor (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

#9093072
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24020) - you deserved it (4432)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:51am - money - by Fridaythe12th (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (5154)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

#9081770
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (2019)

On 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm - animals - by OhhhNooo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23284) - you deserved it (9516)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at work, a man came in wearing a very elaborate cowboy ensemble and went to talk to one of my coworkers. Once he left, I asked her how she knew a gay cowboy. She then explained that he's actually a farmer and her husband of ten years. FML

#9048204
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6353) - you deserved it (32911)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

#9037233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5407) - you deserved it (37988)

On 03/13/2010 at 12:16am - misc - by EwokLover17 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

#9015781
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22527) - you deserved it (2657)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by gorgeousgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

#8948119
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43580) - you deserved it (2259)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

#8920959
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29220) - you deserved it (2247)

On 03/08/2010 at 3:27pm - love - by justpeachy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

#8911500
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (3787)

On 03/08/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by raidered - United States (California)



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