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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my stalker - an annoying guy who's dedicated the past three years of his life to stalking me at every turn - somehow got a hold of my number and started texting me at 10pm about how I have no life. FML

#13729303
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (2721)

On 11/05/2010 at 7:14pm - misc - by nolife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

#13726348
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15785) - you deserved it (47355)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm - kids - by lilmamma - United States (California)

Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML

#13685830
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (4802)

On 11/02/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

#13673101
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27992) - you deserved it (5545)

On 11/01/2010 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I spent over an hour decorating my house for trick or treaters. I never got one person at my door because I forgot to unlock my gate. FML

#13667842
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7926) - you deserved it (31800)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:08pm - misc - by halloweensucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

#13662632
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24337) - you deserved it (7389)

On 10/31/2010 at 11:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (3040)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

#13654098
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38047) - you deserved it (29316)

On 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm - intimacy - by tht1chk - United States (California)

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

#13645148
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35615) - you deserved it (4481)

On 10/30/2010 at 1:03am - intimacy - by miss cranky pants - United States (California)

Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

#13645035
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28009) - you deserved it (7686)

On 10/30/2010 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

#13634710
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32694) - you deserved it (6254)

On 10/29/2010 at 1:48am - intimacy - by ohmylordy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

#13634494
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27528) - you deserved it (2632)

On 10/29/2010 at 1:22am - misc - by yeaokay - United States (California)

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

#13632865
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22651) - you deserved it (7264)

On 10/28/2010 at 11:17pm - misc - by mommysgirlapparently (woman) - United States (California)



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