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FMLs submitted from California

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

#7925151
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20329) - you deserved it (4995)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by Karie-Rose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

#7925125
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30633) - you deserved it (3046)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:27am - animals - by btg - United States (California)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23463) - you deserved it (2324)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

#7897193
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (3010)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

#7897076
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8291) - you deserved it (27524)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

#7837909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20824) - you deserved it (2185)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:27am - misc - by rainey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

#7835158
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29360) - you deserved it (2522)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:03am - animals - by Brittany (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

#7821444
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20359) - you deserved it (5189)

On 02/02/2010 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

#7805682
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37079) - you deserved it (2985)

On 02/02/2010 at 1:57am - misc - by Zephyric - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

#7789192
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13000) - you deserved it (34032)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

#7771404
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17061) - you deserved it (2283)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by ocroyalty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

#7766236
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28008) - you deserved it (8579)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26271) - you deserved it (4254)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)



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