FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

by sigh / 11/24/2011 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

by JWhite / 11/24/2011 at 3:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for not noticing the signs sooner. FML

by Julie / 11/23/2011 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML

by Stinky / 11/20/2011 at 5:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

by jerdub93 / 11/19/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that in my relationship with my significant other, the roles are switched. We went out for a nice dinner, I paid, and when we got home he "had a headache" and asked for an aspirin so he could go to sleep. FML

by Damnit / 11/17/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

by tomoxishigaki / 11/16/2011 at 8:32pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

by halloweed / 11/16/2011 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Her exact words used were "I like the idea of you, but I don't like you." I still don't know what that means. FML

by dharp7 / 11/16/2011 at 12:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2011 at 5:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

by SetoAyumi / 11/15/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals