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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

#16369403
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36131) - you deserved it (5471)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:45am - animals - by FeedMe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50442) - you deserved it (9356)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56758) - you deserved it (9095)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

#16323253
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43220) - you deserved it (3340)

On 05/24/2011 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

#16294930
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18157) - you deserved it (68201)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:53am - money - by Derek Lee - United States (California)

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you deserved it (4451)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

#16261628
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27435) - you deserved it (8422)

On 05/20/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Mandy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

#16252216
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14760) - you deserved it (46883)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (9029)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

#16189059
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14345) - you deserved it (33335)

On 05/15/2011 at 2:49pm - misc - by NoLife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

#16153880
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37703) - you deserved it (8135)

On 05/13/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by ctop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

#16152690
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44034) - you deserved it (8958)

On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)



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