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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

#6791199
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22920) - you deserved it (5032)

On 12/17/2009 at 9:32am - animals - by gettingacat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

#6789867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8476) - you deserved it (38600)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:58am - animals - by AnRom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

#6783390
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28373) - you deserved it (2543)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by Frauded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41151) - you deserved it (2204)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

#6775811
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9139) - you deserved it (25435)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by ohhi_itsme123 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

#6763164
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7580) - you deserved it (29166)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

#6761317
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24156) - you deserved it (2789)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by number2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

#6761205
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16905) - you deserved it (27469)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

#6760578
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23986) - you deserved it (2650)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Scat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

#6748934
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32908) - you deserved it (4079)

On 12/14/2009 at 4:05am - love - by luckygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

#6741801
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5266) - you deserved it (33981)

On 12/13/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by MissSmarts (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

#6737603
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37479) - you deserved it (2554)

On 12/13/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by justine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

#6735017
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28612) - you deserved it (2293)

On 12/13/2009 at 5:12am - health - by cagel (woman) - United States (California)



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