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FMLs submitted from California

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

#5826147
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (3690)

On 10/14/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by mybmw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

#5815195
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24616) - you deserved it (1822)

On 10/13/2009 at 12:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29644) - you deserved it (10455)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34172) - you deserved it (10237)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22899) - you deserved it (4335)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8766) - you deserved it (37493)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6667) - you deserved it (41990)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19368) - you deserved it (3294)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

#5716495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11436) - you deserved it (35105)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:14am - kids - by stupidsantaclaus (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (7759)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

#5710708
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25049) - you deserved it (2526)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by dangerousknitter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17794) - you deserved it (2607)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)



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