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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8837) - you deserved it (32876)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

#8862978
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33502) - you deserved it (2764)

On 03/06/2010 at 3:32am - love - by ART - United States (California)

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

#8840296
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20184) - you deserved it (2422)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:01am - work - by Petergibbons - United States (California)

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

#8840238
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25940) - you deserved it (2976)

On 03/05/2010 at 2:50am - misc - by whyymee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

#8815037
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (7769)

On 03/04/2010 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

#8792170
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9094) - you deserved it (18698)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided that lunch with his guys was more important than spending time with me. This is the second year in a row that he has cancelled on me. How do I remember the date so well? It's my birthday. FML

#8767349
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31215) - you deserved it (4823)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:14am - love - by BirthdayGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (2513)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

#8741941
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22534) - you deserved it (2952)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:30am - animals - by mav3rick91 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

#8659721
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52427) - you deserved it (3770)

On 02/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by Jeri (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25926) - you deserved it (7812)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex girlfriend that never moved out. FML

#8631765
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30198) - you deserved it (2548)

On 02/25/2010 at 1:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

#8630482
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16988) - you deserved it (24290)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Lespoon (woman) - United States (California)



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