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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

#6416046
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (2339)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:09am - love - by apparentlyhesbusy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12562) - you deserved it (34125)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

#6388280
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29877) - you deserved it (4961)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:28am - love - by SeeBrendenBurn (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

#6386124
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9170) - you deserved it (36305)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:59pm - work - by Masonlee89 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29674) - you deserved it (2629)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12195) - you deserved it (35600)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML

#6378888
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41444) - you deserved it (6624)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16048) - you deserved it (4753)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

#6374426
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (1897)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

#6373189
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21491) - you deserved it (5103)

On 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm - health - by Mondo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

#6365107
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (4888)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7396) - you deserved it (25630)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (2115)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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