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FMLs submitted from California

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

#21052729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44929) - you deserved it (5361)

On 02/06/2014 at 8:32pm - health - by sashimi9999 - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43263) - you deserved it (3802)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after working 12 hours, my scooter broke down 2 miles from home. I had to walk myself and my scooter home all uphill. My boyfriend and his friends drove by, honked and kept going. FML

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

#21039586
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41227) - you deserved it (3818)

On 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45637) - you deserved it (5007)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

#21037837
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43033) - you deserved it (5106)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:28am - misc - by Estee1024 - United States (California)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41630) - you deserved it (4553)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

#21036142
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41227) - you deserved it (5270)

On 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm - misc - by IMSERIOUS - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (51637)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

#21028633
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35478) - you deserved it (4924)

On 01/15/2014 at 10:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56024) - you deserved it (13770)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45733) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)



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