FMLs submitted from California

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

by Talis / 01/12/2016 at 8:24am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

by DookDaSpook / 01/11/2016 at 6:15pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2016 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

by Bex98 / 01/11/2016 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2016 at 5:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

by whenlifeisalemon / 01/09/2016 at 6:19pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

by familypet / 01/08/2016 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

by i tried so hard / 01/08/2016 at 10:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

by its dark / 01/07/2016 at 6:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

by seeking new employment / 01/06/2016 at 8:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 10:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

by Pithegreat / 01/05/2016 at 11:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous