FMLs submitted from California

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my friends and I were going to Applebee's. A girl we don't like invited herself along. She waited for my friend outside of the bathroom, forced her to drive her, and said, "It's okay someone will pay for me." She then ate off of everyone's plate and left before the bill came. FML

by RUFckingSrs / 12/21/2015 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

by noononononono / 12/21/2015 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

by letstradefamilies / 12/21/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

by SexxiKitty / 12/19/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I complained about period cramps. My boyfriend said periods can't be that bad since "girls must orgasm every time they put a tampon in." FML

by periods / 12/18/2015 at 11:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I finished polishing a song I was working on for my girlfriend. The next words out of her mouth when we next spoke: "I want to break up." FML

by HobblinGoblin / 12/18/2015 at 1:34am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandma was sent to the hospital so I called out of work. My bosses told me that if I didn't come in I would be fired. I did so, only to find out they needed me there so I could close the restaurant while they left early to go to a party. FML

by CLupo / 12/17/2015 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that rats have made my car their new home. I haven't even finished paying it off yet. FML

by InfestedCarOwner / 12/14/2015 at 9:16pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

by Haitwun / 12/14/2015 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

by BasicallySodaFlavoredWater / 12/13/2015 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

by anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 3:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous