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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

#21401920
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27211) - you deserved it (4101)

On 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm - kids - by Winxy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

#21401112
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27361) - you deserved it (2669)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:00am - love - by koalaburr - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37187) - you deserved it (2805)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

#21400331
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26951) - you deserved it (9412)

On 04/26/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by rookiemistake (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

#21399141
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30275) - you deserved it (3567)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm - kids - by anonymousyo - United States (California)

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

#21399135
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28030) - you deserved it (3750)

On 04/24/2015 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

#21398988
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28519) - you deserved it (5805)

On 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29815) - you deserved it (2108)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (2659)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30297) - you deserved it (3198)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27581) - you deserved it (7299)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28826) - you deserved it (10680)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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