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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

#21408187
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28253) - you deserved it (2146)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:23am - love - by CryoSpectre - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24659) - you deserved it (7110)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

#21406043
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33090) - you deserved it (2118)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:27am - love - by that one anon - United States (California)

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

#21406019
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (4843)

On 05/07/2015 at 1:12am - work - by CASH_NoMOMEY - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31780) - you deserved it (3715)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

#21405647
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20138) - you deserved it (33967)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

#21405437
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28285) - you deserved it (3592)

On 05/06/2015 at 12:13am - misc - by msleea - United States (California)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30744) - you deserved it (13298)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34675) - you deserved it (4526)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27346) - you deserved it (5882)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30050) - you deserved it (2190)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)



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