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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (4294)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39370) - you deserved it (2694)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32409) - you deserved it (2664)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29062) - you deserved it (6842)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

#21313490
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34425) - you deserved it (2780)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

#21313391
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (2393)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:18pm - misc - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

#21312494
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29823) - you deserved it (2466)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:10am - work - by graciegold95 - United States (California)

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

#21312200
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27526) - you deserved it (13901)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:32pm - animals - by sting - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32336) - you deserved it (6967)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

#21311410
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33902) - you deserved it (2720)

On 12/04/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by yolonono (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21069) - you deserved it (41265)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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