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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

#21208684
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36625) - you deserved it (6225)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40156) - you deserved it (4256)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58131) - you deserved it (7224)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38085) - you deserved it (3452)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

#21206028
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46670) - you deserved it (16794)

On 07/11/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (3617)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I found out the record label I was talking to was actually just my friends who have way too much time on their hands. FML

#21204665
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41243) - you deserved it (5270)

On 07/10/2014 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

#21200605
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43139) - you deserved it (7174)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

#21199175
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (3785)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

#21198473
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37075) - you deserved it (3577)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by cakefete2 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

#21195046
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51372) - you deserved it (4407)

On 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm - love - by carebear1228 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28851) - you deserved it (42197)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I donated to a charity website. My card was repeatedly refused by the website but when I went on my account, I was charged for each time I tried. I was scammed by a charity. FML

#21193277
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50110) - you deserved it (7856)

On 06/30/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Charitable (woman) - United States (California)



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