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FMLs submitted from California

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

#21376143
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25641) - you deserved it (10839)

On 03/17/2015 at 2:12am - work - by Boss Troubles - United States (California)

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

#21375425
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31744) - you deserved it (3066)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML

#21371884
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27490) - you deserved it (2627)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:47pm - misc - by Lovemynewhaircut (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34666) - you deserved it (3218)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

#21369220
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16116) - you deserved it (40952)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:20am - misc - by Byepax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14779) - you deserved it (40098)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42921) - you deserved it (19369)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

#21367505
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27773) - you deserved it (1934)

On 03/03/2015 at 7:28pm - work - by Kali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29521) - you deserved it (3073)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30074) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25688) - you deserved it (4947)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)



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