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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

#21273306
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35717) - you deserved it (3041)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:02am - animals - by queenmeme - United States (California)

Today, I missed work for the third time this week. My dog gets lonely when I'm away and has found out how to shut off my alarm clock. FML

#21273263
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33775) - you deserved it (4898)

On 10/08/2014 at 12:21am - animals - by fckUrex - United States (California)

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

#21273209
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28120) - you deserved it (2314)

On 10/07/2014 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34508) - you deserved it (9154)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34915) - you deserved it (3639)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34359) - you deserved it (4047)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

#21269981
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (2206)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by youredisgusting - United States (California)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19505) - you deserved it (39868)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (4005)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

#21266215
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36261) - you deserved it (3045)

On 09/27/2014 at 4:16am - love - by nyx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

#21265851
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35760) - you deserved it (3309)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:13pm - love - by ihateguys (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28399) - you deserved it (14013)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)



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