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FMLs submitted from California

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (2185)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured "ehh a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (7440)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25636) - you deserved it (2963)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29094) - you deserved it (3865)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

#21303284
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24026) - you deserved it (15008)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:56am - love - by openended - United States (California)

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

#21303116
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27585) - you deserved it (3348)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:11am - work - by TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - United States (California)

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

#21303024
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29853) - you deserved it (14017)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by AOart1st (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (3449)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29208) - you deserved it (2548)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

#21302094
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29630) - you deserved it (5916)

On 11/19/2014 at 1:44pm - misc - by limpdick9 - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

#21301400
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40776) - you deserved it (3497)

On 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm - misc - by steak through the heart - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36719) - you deserved it (3604)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30526) - you deserved it (2360)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)



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