Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1539) - you totally deserved it (4503)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5730) - you totally deserved it (876)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (962) - you totally deserved it (289)
On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1690) - you totally deserved it (112)
On 11/19/2009 at 8:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
I agree, your life sucks (25719) - you totally deserved it (14717)
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11067) - you totally deserved it (2093)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)
Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2473) - you totally deserved it (10229)
On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2412) - you totally deserved it (199)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my very old cat was put down. I was very upset with my loss, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. After a three hour nap, I realized I had left my cat's body in my car. It was 90 degrees today. Even Febreeze can't get rid of the smell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5739) - you totally deserved it (16021)
On 11/18/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4878) - you totally deserved it (30247)
On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)
Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3779) - you totally deserved it (14293)
On 11/18/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by ohjoy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he proceeded to cry and piss his pants. Again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15102) - you totally deserved it (848)
On 11/18/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by not_trained_for_this (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15691) - you totally deserved it (718)
On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)
