FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 3:26am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

by nooo / 02/04/2015 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

by Lily_Rain77 / 01/07/2015 at 7:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat / 01/01/2015 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

by I hate my job / 12/23/2014 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML

by Ajwc95 / 12/20/2014 at 4:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

by stampslife / 11/28/2014 at 3:00am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 4:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

by oops / 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

by back to cock-hunting / 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

by Pixel / 11/10/2014 at 4:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

by anonymous / 11/04/2014 at 7:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy