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FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

#210718
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28471) - you deserved it (279746)

On 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm - health - by sheyo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62299) - you deserved it (17130)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

#51436
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36583) - you deserved it (9305)

On 02/16/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by dammit_ (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

#45902
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37591) - you deserved it (2590)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:32am - misc - by lamesauce (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46568) - you deserved it (5553)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

#14320
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34009) - you deserved it (2170)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by klee (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9234) - you deserved it (52815)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20968) - you deserved it (9834)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21457) - you deserved it (5160)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

#3462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by Coley - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

#2831
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12013) - you deserved it (29573)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by embaressed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

#2695
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7659) - you deserved it (18095)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Danana - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

#2426
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6765) - you deserved it (28235)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:07am - love - by Jebus - Canada (British Columbia)



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