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FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

#555846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115065) - you deserved it (15593)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:38pm - love - by Rajin (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML

#505587
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71104) - you deserved it (11869)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

#485057
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58064) - you deserved it (13495)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14586) - you deserved it (94244)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

#459732
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83263) - you deserved it (9573)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by notenoughsex (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

#458793
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9896) - you deserved it (90031)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by skywayavenue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (479225) - you deserved it (45947)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

#210718
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28402) - you deserved it (278404)

On 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm - health - by sheyo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62247) - you deserved it (17114)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

#51436
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36536) - you deserved it (9302)

On 02/16/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by dammit_ (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

#45902
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37563) - you deserved it (2586)

On 02/15/2009 at 5:32am - misc - by lamesauce (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46515) - you deserved it (5553)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

#14320
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33965) - you deserved it (2167)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by klee (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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