FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 1:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

by ew. / 08/17/2010 at 12:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

by Fire_Crotch / 08/14/2010 at 2:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

by Marie / 07/27/2010 at 3:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

by longday / 07/25/2010 at 2:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

by owowowow / 07/23/2010 at 9:30pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

by highlandgirl10 / 07/21/2010 at 4:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

by 42 / 07/07/2010 at 5:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

by Gary / 06/27/2010 at 12:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister" FML

by Crumpet / 06/25/2010 at 3:08am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

by Kbizz / 06/02/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health