FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML

by Lilah / 02/18/2012 at 7:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

by kiwi023 / 02/14/2012 at 1:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

by chlolivia / 02/13/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

by annon / 02/11/2012 at 1:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

by anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

by Zoey / 02/09/2012 at 10:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

by batsu / 01/27/2012 at 1:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone while I was crossing the road. Luckily, it survived the fall. Not so luckily, an oncoming bus steamrolled it into oblivion. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2012 at 3:59pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

by BadassRumbleroar / 01/19/2012 at 10:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

by WillaminaL / 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids