FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

by eddie818 / 06/10/2012 at 3:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

by DuhSteven / 06/06/2012 at 1:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

by Briscuit / 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

by The Bearded Woman / 05/29/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

by Shone / 04/15/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

by kayadd33 / 04/10/2012 at 10:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

by claudio117 / 04/08/2012 at 5:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

by LoveBytes / 03/27/2012 at 5:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2012 at 10:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML

by Not_High / 03/23/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous