FMLs submitted from Bristol

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

by TheHezzer / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

by ryuken23 / 02/14/2012 at 2:16pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Health

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

by louise / 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

by fuglyphotographer / 10/23/2011 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

by lonely / 04/04/2011 at 6:15am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Work

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

by Shivvy / 02/10/2011 at 10:24pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

by mortified / 01/22/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

by peestain / 10/25/2010 at 6:06am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

by burgeee / 03/18/2010 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

by preggers / 02/08/2010 at 5:52am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Transportation