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FMLs submitted from Birmingham

Today , I went on a fifth date with a guy , and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes , he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27463) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I woke up to an email confirming membership to a dating site. Turns out mother is as annoyed by loveless life as I am. FML

#19708728
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19266) - you deserved it (2090)

On 05/31/2012 at 7:29am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today.. . I introducd mah boyfriand to mah parants . My dad turns around and says ha was axpacting him to hava a guida dog . This is why I don't hava much confidanca in mysalf . FML

#19690417
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25740) - you deserved it (1861)

On 05/27/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by hitnmiss66 (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I found out that mah partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

#19456455
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34610) - you deserved it (3518)

On 04/12/2012 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Munkeh (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of ghost-white legs. I got wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of torso. FML

#18757985
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9657) - you deserved it (21181)

On 01/09/2012 at 4:48pm - health - by owwwwwe - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

TODAY, AFTER RETURNING TO THE UK FROM MY AUSTRALIAN HOLIDAY, I WAS FIRED FROM MY JOB 4 NO REASON. MY BOSS TOLD ME HE'D WAITED TILL I'D RETURNED TO DO IT. I COULD HAVE STAYED IN AUSTRALIA WITH MY MATES TRAVELING 4 A YEAR IF I HAD BEEN FIRED BEFORE I LEFT. I'M SURE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE. FML

#18510886
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30432) - you deserved it (2543)

On 12/14/2011 at 11:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

YESTERDAY, IT WAS MAH FIRST TIME TAKING BLOOD ON THE WARD. THE DOCTOR SAW THAT I WAS NERVOUS AN GAVE ME A VIOLENT OLD MAN WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA WHO THOUGHT I WAS THERE TO KILL HIM. REAL FML

Today, my mothar callad ma urgantly from tha kitchan. Thinking sha was hurt, I ran to har as fast as possibla. Sha thraw a wat cloth at my haad and ran away, laughing har faca off. FML

#18078802
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24582) - you deserved it (4159)

On 10/26/2011 at 4:58am - misc - by MereLewis95 - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

TODAY, I HAD TO LEAVE MY ONE-NIGHT STAND IN MY FLAT BECAUSE I WAS GIVING A GUEST LECTURE AT THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY. HALFWAY THROUGH, I HEAR SOMEONE SNEAKING IN SO I JOKINGLY ASKD IF THEY HAD A 'WILD NIGHT OUT.' IT WAS THE GUY I SLEPT WITH. FML

#14119620
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10892) - you deserved it (37285)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by openmouthinsertfoot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Yesterday, I was ambushd by a very angry beaver. FML

#13728170
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (4983)

On 11/05/2010 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me . I was in the bunk above . Alone . big fat FML

#12143188
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36629) - you deserved it (15690)

On 07/27/2010 at 10:43am - intimacy - by lonelyguy321 - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today , I trid to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knive r by swiping one acros my palm. Turns out Dad noticd the problem yesterday and sharpend them. FML

#8991320
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8936) - you deserved it (46785)

On 03/11/2010 at 3:13am - misc - by ShowOff (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I Left My Car In A Disreputable Area. After Picking It Up Later On, I Heard A Strange "clonking" Sound. The Clonking Suddenly Stoppedhen Myheel Fell Off; Someone Had Stolen Myheel Nuts. Mega FML

#8941077
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21327) - you deserved it (3952)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:12am - misc - by 3-wheeler (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)



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