FMLs submitted from Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 11:58am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

by has an old monitor / 12/05/2014 at 9:00am / Germany (Berlin) / Geek

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2014 at 9:28am / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

by catt / 10/17/2014 at 4:12pm / Germany (Berlin) / Health

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

by Demotivation / 07/02/2013 at 10:35am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

by a single fuck / 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

by Karin / 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

by thanksmum / 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm / Germany (Berlin) / Work