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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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FMLs submitted from Beijing

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

#18235563 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (17654) - you deserved it (3995)

On 11/13/2011 at 7:46am - love - by notthatkinkyanyway - China (Beijing)

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

#7774982 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (8292) - you deserved it (14152)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:36am - misc - by wilsmith (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

#6992051 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (4405) - you deserved it (14303)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by Spac3Ghost (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

#5893479 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (47983) - you deserved it (2644)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:50am - misc - by cc10 (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

#5812873 (58)

I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (1757)

On 10/13/2009 at 6:09am - misc - by sillystring (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

#3549560 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (6372) - you deserved it (51853)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

#3502310 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (8258) - you deserved it (34931)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

#2853235 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (40105) - you deserved it (4232)

On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was teaching my Chinese students spoken English when they got into a heated argument. When I finally got their attention, I told them to continue the argument in English. They were arguing over my bra size. They are all female teenagers. They then asked me to show them my bra. FML

#2301370 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (38938) - you deserved it (3953)

On 05/26/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

#2073712 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (53040) - you deserved it (3076)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

#1897379 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (55482) - you deserved it (3654)

On 05/13/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by pooped (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (53915) - you deserved it (6957)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

#620278 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (20524) - you deserved it (53081)

On 03/26/2009 at 11:42am - kids - by CaoNiMa (man) - China (Beijing)