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FMLs submitted from Bayern

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44960) - you deserved it (4435)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

#21103838
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35661) - you deserved it (3068)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm - work - by RIP_Nose (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

#20571483
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31849) - you deserved it (3836)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

#20567111
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32418) - you deserved it (12831)

On 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28677) - you deserved it (9593)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

#20135671
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8846) - you deserved it (32378)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

#18493088
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25952) - you deserved it (5317)

On 12/12/2011 at 8:45am - love - by Embarrassed (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51637) - you deserved it (4685)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

#14140918
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40336) - you deserved it (5174)

On 12/09/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by prinzess (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

#13432201
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (4269)

On 10/13/2010 at 8:57am - misc - by deadinavan (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

#6151302
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33938) - you deserved it (6339)

On 11/04/2009 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later; I was feeling devilish, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

#3955327
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6819) - you deserved it (60247)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by debodave (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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