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FMLs submitted from Bayern

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

#21460448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (2708)

On 08/25/2015 at 7:55am - love - by Shelling Ford - Germany (Bayern)

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

#21458908
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9822) - you deserved it (29256)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by notwhatithought (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

#21411568
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (1802)

On 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm - work - by lily_marleen (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

#21319043
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30167) - you deserved it (1978)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38770) - you deserved it (7770)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

#21264505
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33356) - you deserved it (2148)

On 09/24/2014 at 1:17pm - work - by AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (3070)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49043) - you deserved it (5066)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

#21103838
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38642) - you deserved it (3593)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm - work - by RIP_Nose (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

#20571483
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35054) - you deserved it (4142)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

#20567111
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37806) - you deserved it (14704)

On 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

#20529455
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31227) - you deserved it (10156)

On 03/03/2013 at 1:03pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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