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FMLs submitted from Auckland

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

#15617412
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42736) - you deserved it (4328)

On 04/03/2011 at 5:16am - love - by Baldy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

#15442777
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22089) - you deserved it (62636)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

#15099296
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (22900)

On 02/24/2011 at 4:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

#14459916
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30421) - you deserved it (8901)

On 01/04/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

#13320249
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23866) - you deserved it (2354)

On 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm - misc - by ifpigsflew (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

#13024649
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (2602)

On 09/12/2010 at 8:08pm - misc - by tenthousandspoon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for for his birthday in a couple of days. He replied "to be single" and walked out of the room. FML

#12449914
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38654) - you deserved it (3978)

On 08/11/2010 at 6:40am - love - by gutsforme (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

#10448158
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28152) - you deserved it (7254)

On 05/10/2010 at 6:14am - money - by boring (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

#10166473
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25444) - you deserved it (15735)

On 04/26/2010 at 5:42pm - misc - by Michelle (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

#9721953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25194) - you deserved it (56159)

On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

#8658326
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22127) - you deserved it (6209)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:09am - misc - by ilovecowboys (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went to Uni. I woke up at six and got to the station as the train was leaving. I was congratulating myself on my brilliant skill when, as we passed the carpark, I saw I had left my headlights on. It later cost more for the lead to jump start my car than it would have to drive to Uni myself. FML

#8580387
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14989) - you deserved it (5994)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by car_FAILure (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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