FMLs submitted from Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

by Ugh / 06/14/2016 at 4:41pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

by anony / 05/24/2016 at 8:57am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I was performing in a play. One of my co-actors elbowed me right as I was taking a swig of my drink, causing me to fling cold tea into my face and all over the table. If that wasn't majestic enough, I had to keep acting in several more scenes with a wet tea stain in my crotch area. FML

by Grammer_Nazzi / 05/17/2016 at 9:11pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

by CANTTAKEMORE / 04/26/2016 at 6:24pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

by fuck's sake / 04/16/2016 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

by mute / 04/15/2016 at 8:56pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 5:55pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:14pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, my brother decided he could just live with me. He's sharing my bed, using all my stuff, and has even refused to let me into my room in the morning to get ready. He thinks the situation is perfect. FML

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 4:36pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

by water fail / 01/28/2016 at 6:42am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

by jobless / 11/30/2015 at 11:01pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

by jacobianscum / 11/29/2015 at 2:05am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work