FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

by stillAvirgin:( / 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

by Lonely / 06/16/2011 at 11:25pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

by sandyhome / 04/11/2011 at 11:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

by tatfreak / 03/07/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 9:31am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 3:13am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

by anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 3:30am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2010 at 10:35pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy