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FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

#17535698
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27620) - you deserved it (2312)

On 08/21/2011 at 3:35am - work - by cakehater - United States (Arkansas)

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

#17139363
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30540) - you deserved it (14843)

On 07/16/2011 at 6:52pm - health - by adamclmns (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

#16945006
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48284) - you deserved it (5055)

On 07/02/2011 at 2:44am - intimacy - by beardedlady - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

#16752428
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48678) - you deserved it (8889)

On 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by stillAvirgin:( - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

#16703707
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34882) - you deserved it (5565)

On 06/16/2011 at 11:25pm - misc - by Lonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

#15811934
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28365) - you deserved it (10927)

On 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

#15739325
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (6127)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:20am - love - by sandyhome (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

#15577647
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37135) - you deserved it (4957)

On 03/31/2011 at 5:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

#15232480
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16649) - you deserved it (35142)

On 03/07/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by tatfreak (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

#15103887
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35285) - you deserved it (5167)

On 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

#14988782
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35052) - you deserved it (7125)

On 02/15/2011 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

#14596277
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35480) - you deserved it (4462)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



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