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FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

#17777792
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35830) - you deserved it (2096)

On 09/19/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by redeye (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

#17597730
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (2600)

On 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

#17579563
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9051) - you deserved it (36629)

On 08/25/2011 at 6:57pm - health - by ash - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

#17535698
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25322) - you deserved it (2133)

On 08/21/2011 at 3:35am - work - by cakehater - United States (Arkansas)

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

#17139363
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27176) - you deserved it (14016)

On 07/16/2011 at 6:52pm - health - by adamclmns (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

#16945006
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46287) - you deserved it (4862)

On 07/02/2011 at 2:44am - intimacy - by beardedlady - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

#16752428
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46523) - you deserved it (8631)

On 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by stillAvirgin:( - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

#16703707
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32567) - you deserved it (5312)

On 06/16/2011 at 11:25pm - misc - by Lonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

#15811934
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25531) - you deserved it (10362)

On 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

#15739325
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36317) - you deserved it (5901)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:20am - love - by sandyhome (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

#15577647
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34391) - you deserved it (4739)

On 03/31/2011 at 5:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

#15232480
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15189) - you deserved it (33315)

On 03/07/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by tatfreak (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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