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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

#17820631
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24037) - you deserved it (2423)

On 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

#17672828
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28768) - you deserved it (2671)

On 09/05/2011 at 5:37pm - health - by oxymorons - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

#17635608
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30075) - you deserved it (2390)

On 09/01/2011 at 1:17pm - work - by ReallyNow (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

#17601830
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9152) - you deserved it (42570)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:37am - love - by JJAnd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

#17585991
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26355) - you deserved it (3424)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Peekaboo (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33053) - you deserved it (2855)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22829) - you deserved it (13595)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

#17446772
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36391) - you deserved it (7133)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Pissedoff777 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (3537)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (3813)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

#17375623
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34328) - you deserved it (2074)

On 08/05/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by iloveryanhiga (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

#17316346
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32926) - you deserved it (3012)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Tireddddddd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

#17172362
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31586) - you deserved it (2986)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by KidCudi227 - United States (Arizona)



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