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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

#20033437
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10050) - you deserved it (21070)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:39am - love - by desperategurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

#19998217
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26780) - you deserved it (2501)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

#19991846
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8216) - you deserved it (20295)

On 07/30/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by hoaloha - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27194) - you deserved it (6876)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

#19822934
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11519) - you deserved it (25767)

On 06/21/2012 at 6:02am - health - by TheDumper (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

#19816534
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22042) - you deserved it (3014)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:22am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

#19799062
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29062) - you deserved it (1977)

On 06/16/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by mystery - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

#19625329
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17722) - you deserved it (4175)

On 05/15/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14389) - you deserved it (36222)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

#19520416
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44271) - you deserved it (3205)

On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML

#19467160
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (1796)

On 04/14/2012 at 3:27pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

#19453848
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21514) - you deserved it (2735)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:30am - love - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

#19401139
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (4539)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)



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