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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

#20093027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23116) - you deserved it (1793)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:08am - health - by cedechan (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

#20091853
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26499) - you deserved it (1963)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:34am - health - by red_headforlife - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18488) - you deserved it (11957)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

#20053719
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10637) - you deserved it (26249)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:07am - kids - by The Horrible Older Sister - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

#20042959
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17622) - you deserved it (2059)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:05pm - money - by Tanuki_paws - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

#20040149
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22624) - you deserved it (261)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

#20033437
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9851) - you deserved it (20537)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:39am - love - by desperategurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

#19998217
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21237) - you deserved it (1718)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

#19991846
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7701) - you deserved it (19155)

On 07/30/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by hoaloha - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21955) - you deserved it (5985)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

#19822934
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10066) - you deserved it (22803)

On 06/21/2012 at 6:02am - health - by TheDumper (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

#19816534
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17033) - you deserved it (2098)

On 06/20/2012 at 1:22am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

#19799062
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28227) - you deserved it (1916)

On 06/16/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by mystery - United States (Arizona)



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