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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

#4572543
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52768) - you deserved it (7874)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

#4463161
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14057) - you deserved it (41712)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:34pm - kids - by SomeDJ (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

#4438831
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9060) - you deserved it (93817)

On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

#4344538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (7947)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

#3729416
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53053) - you deserved it (6217)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

#3601135
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (36941)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:33am - work - by aireun (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

#3533033
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11657) - you deserved it (47751)

On 07/06/2009 at 7:28pm - work - by Cody (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147162) - you deserved it (9259)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

#3246317
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40224) - you deserved it (6237)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by sad_panda (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

#3113124
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61927) - you deserved it (4866)

On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

#2874076
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36863) - you deserved it (57875)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

#2741589
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42562) - you deserved it (19955)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

#2720820
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48120) - you deserved it (4175)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:51pm - work - by Marie (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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